Brain Dump #1

• When was the last time, I engaged in social media? 
• Meaningful/not meaningful? 
• How do I feel about that? 
• How was it related to my life? 
• What was the last thing I did?
• Motives for doing it? 

The last time I interacted on social media was on Facebook. Or in fact: I should not be talking in the past tense, since I am still online right this moment. On top of this browser window, I have a Facebook tab open with an ongoing conversation with three other members of the non-profit organization, UNGKOM, in which I am volunteering. I am waiting for a response, since I have suggested to post a picture to our public Facebook page. I want to keep an eye on the response, because the earlier the post gets out there, the more viewers will see it. And I care about viewers. Readers. People. I want them to see the post. The reach is important - and I am partly responsible for this.

Before this interaction I was scrolling through my News Feed. Did anyone post anything of my interest? Did anyone post something worth liking? Something that deserves or demands my comment(s)? Does anyone expect a response from me? It is important to me to be up to date and to know whether something has happened since the last time I checked in. It is important to me to know how many (or if anyone) liked, commented on or noticed my last upload (a picture of me and the musician, Yoav). I was attending a concert of his last Saturday and since I got the chance to meet him afterwards (Meet&Greet), I decided to not only get my picture taken with him - I also wanted to post it on Facebook. So I did. It was a very special experience to me - both the concert and the following Meet&Greet. Yet it seems, as soon as I decided to post the picture on Facebook, it became almost as important to me, as the concert itself, that others commended me on the experience. If I did not get likes and comments on the picture, I most certainly would feel less excited about the whole thing. And this is crazy. There is no doubt about the fact that I truly enjoyed my Saturday night, the concert and the Meet&Greet, so why is it so important that others (who did not attend the concert) give me their approval or like? I find that rather disturbing. Am I insecure? Am I addicted to approving likes of others? Why do I even care so much? How much 'caring and concerning' is too much?

I wonder: Is Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and so on part of my daily life ritual? It seems I cannot get started on my day (e.g. reading for class, taking a shower, eating breakfast) without the mandatory 'social media check-up'. All of the social media sites, my email and so on are linked as book marks in my preferred browser, so that I can easily get to them. This also results in some unplanned visits to e.g. Facebook - since it is right there (as in 'easily accessible). The more platforms, the more information. The more information, the better and faster I need to be in order to catch up on all of them. This blog adds to the stream of online media, I need to check up on. Everything needs to be updated or at least attended to every once in a while. If not, I might be missing vital, interesting information.

How do I feel about my social media use? Well, mostly I feel good about it. But I do reckon that I have somewhat addictive pulls towards being 'always on'. The question is, whether this is an ultimately bad thing? Perhaps it is fine as long as I am the one in control of my social media usage (spoken by a true abuser?!). As soon as it becomes a stress factor, perhaps then it is not healthy anymore. Even if I am in the middle of a paper - deeply focused and on the right track - one little red notification can get me thrown out of 'the zone' and straight into the deep blue sea of Facebook. No matter the importance, notifications seem to scream 'ASAP' to me (and to my reflexes, it seems). As I am very often online, responding quickly - I tend to expect the same from others. I get somewhat annoyed or offended when a person doesn't answer me - especially if he/she has seen my message but chooses not to response.

The Facebook tab on top of my browser (finally!) starts blinking. One of the members in the conversation has answered and now I cannot wait to get done with this exercise so that I can check up on the newly received message. "Tine messaged you", it says. I am curious and want to know whether her message is something I need to respond to. Can I post the picture, I asked them about? Is the time right? Will it get any likes? Any comments? How high will be reach be?